(Part 1, Part 3)
Rule Number 2: It must be a sport.
This may come across as a little harsh, but certain events
in the Olympics really look like they were ‘created’ just to have an Olympic event,
and as such, don’t really raise the quality of the Olympic brand. Plus, they just look silly.
Yes, the obvious one here is Synchronised Swimming. No one
doubts that it is hard to spend twenty minutes upside down, underwater and smiling
like you have been poisoned by the Joker, but WHY?!?
Synchronised diving also gets called out here, I have my
issues with diving as well, but who thought that two people diving together was
a good idea? Not A Sport.
Walking – this is something everyone does, but if you want
to get somewhere quicker, then you RUN! There is no call for an event that
needs to be lined with thousands of officials staring with disturbing intensity
at people’s legs, while the athletes pretend to ignore them and walk ‘normally’.
If you like that sort of thing, go to a night club.
BMX / Mountain biking – This is a prime example of the issue
I have with walking. If you want to know who is fastest on a bike, fine. But then
creating silly courses and jumps and crashes just so you can be like that kid
who wears his shorts around his thighs is not on. Adding additional cycling
events just makes you feel like we were trying to find an event for our nephew
who is really not good at much apart from roaming around shopping centre car
parks on his bike.
Kayaking – There are two forms of this, the Sprint, and the
Slalom. The Sprint gets removed as it is slower than rowing and therefore just
silly. The Slalom is a massive man-made course that gets created for each
Olympics and we then add water. That is not Kayaking, you get it a kayak to
experience the random turns nature can throw at you, not to charge through a
course that is designed to be unchanging, and entirely man-made. Plus there are
silly gates you have to go backwards through, what is that about? The whole
thing feels very synthetic and false. Gone.
...and what's this fascination to make 'doubles' events for everything...
Beach Volleyball, the Times has beaten me to this one, but they have their facts straight. Any sport where there is a maximum size of
clothing for the girls is not taking itself seriously. (Yes I realise some of
those requirements were relaxed to let Muslims play at the Olympics, but
really, that just underlines my point).
Sailing – No, no, no. There is an inherent elitist element
to it, although I do like the fact that men and women often complete in the
same event. It is a bit like Formula One, lots of attention to getting the
equipment set up right, getting the right equipment, and making decisions around
weather conditions. Too much equipment and not enough athletic ability make
this fail to meet my criteria of an Olympic Sport... We have the America’s Cup
if you really want to get into that sort of thing.
What’s that you say? There are other sports that have much
more prestigious competitions than the Olympics? Let’s take a look!
